word.

i never post on this thing. partially because i don't have anything to blog about, and also because sometimes i forget i have this thing.
so, here is an update on life...

-i'm working on being happy. it's been a long time since i can truly say that i was content in every aspect of my life. i'm finding that what i used to think i want, is really not what i want anymore. i'm finding that some things are out of reach, and some things are not meant to be. (that might be confusing, but it makes sense in my head.)

-my bff, kaity friday, got electrocuted yesterday by a coke machine. (i don't know why i put that, i just thought it was pretty funny. she on the other hand will not.)

-school has been pretty stressful lately. every day i sit in A&P, i re-think wanting to be a nurse. but, i know in the long run when i finally am one, all the school crap will be worth it.

-i decided if i wasn't going to be a nurse, i'd be a chef.

-i haven't seen my sister in 3 days, and we live in the same house. goes to show you how conflicting both of our schedules are. i miss her.

-i want a dog so bad, and i have the backyard for it. they are just so darn expensive with the food, shots, heartworm meds..blahblahblah. : [

-sometimes i just have the urge to quit my jobs/school, pack up everything in a suitcase, and move to another country and just start a new life there. then i think about my mother murdering me, and that thought quickly exits my mind.

-i want to get involved in a boys&girls club, or something of that nature. i figure any free time i have should be spent doing things like that.

-i have become such an impatient person when driving. i have road rage like you've never seen. rarely do i ride in the car and not yell at someone for being a sucky driver.

-there is absolutely no food in my house.

-i am surviving off of coffee and oatmeal. oh, the joys of being a broke college student.

-the holidays are coming up...and i am PUMPED.

take care, my friends.

i love you all.

oh, life.

as of lately, i have been going through a very difficult time in my life. i've lost something that's been a part of me for a really long time....and i haven't known really how to cope with my loss.

however, i have had a break through. i can't really change what is happening, no matter how much i think that i can. it's out of my hands. and sitting around and feeling sorry for myself is helping how? exactly. it's not. it only makes things worse. therefore, i have come to the conclusion that i am going to be positive. i don't know what the future has in store for me. only time will tell. time is what is going to heal me. that, and my faith. my hope. i still hurt. i don't know if that will really ever go away....but i'm going to be ok. my heart is going to be ok. it has to be. there is no other option. i have no other choice but to keep living. keep striving through every day. no matter how hard, i can handle it. these past few years have made me a strong person, and i will continue to be strong. nothing will break me.

this felt good.
: ]

i love you all.
thank you to those of you who are helping me get through this.
i don't know what i would do without you, seriously.

movie of the year.

no words can ever describe Ledger's performance in the Dark Knight. the entire movie i was completely enthralled with every scene. i thought this movie was brilliantly made, and had a wonderful team of actors. AMAZING.

r.i.p. heath.

we lost a good one.

the wonderful works of Ms. Dickinson.

I measure every grief i meet with analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long, or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
it feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live, and if they have to try,
and whether, could they choose between,
they could not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled-some thousands-on the cause
of every early hurt, if such a lapse could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still, through centuries above,
enlightened to a larger pain by contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told; the reason deeper lies,-
death is but one and comes but once,
and only nails the eyes.

There's grief of want, and grief of cold, a sort they call 'despair;'
there's banishment from native eyes,
in sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind correctly, yet to me-
a piercing comfort it affords, in passing calvary.

To note the fashions of the cross, of those that stand alone,
still fascinated to presume that some are like my own.

i've been tagged, yo.

Rules of the game:Answer the questions and tag five other people. Be sure to post a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged. [sorry, i'm not going to play by the rules because everyone i know has already been tagged. therefore, i'm just doin this for fun.]

What were you doing 5 years ago?
1. preparing for my LONG high school career.[woot!]
2. enjoying the summer.
3. dang, i was 14.
4. probably hanging out with my chum, sara.
5. being hardcore.

What are 5 things on your to do list today?
1. the day is over, so here are 4 things i did-
2. ate lunch with danielle and sara.
3. went to my sister's house.
4. took a nap. [that was rudely interrupted by my brother who doesn't know what the word quiet means.]
5. went to denton with my mother.

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
1. oranges.
2. doritos.
3. yogurt.
4. pickles.
5. bagel w/ cream cheese.

What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. donate a crap load to charity.
2. put some away for school, of course.
3. buy my grandparents a new car.
4. buy a house.
5. buy alot of puppies.

What are 5 of your bad Habits?
1. PROCRASTINATING.
2. i can be a slob sometimes. [ok, all the time.]
3. i eat when i'm bored.
4. popping my knuckles.
5. belching really loud on occasion.

What are 5 places you have lived?
1. house in Lewisville on Sweetbriar.
2. house in Lewisville on Stemmons.
3. first house in sanger on Keaton.
4. second house where my rents live now.
5. crumley on UNT campus. [a.k.a.-hell.]

What are 5 jobs you've had?
1. Gattis pizza. [i worked with all boys, and they made me wash dishes the whole time.]
2. Mcdonalds.
3. Red River Pump. [shout out to my boy, joel!]
4. Luxxi.
5. Presby of Denton.

What 5 people do you want to tag?
1. your mom.

: ]

stole this from rob.
enjoy.

i am: a really great friend.
i think: i'm a little sunburned from the lake this morning.
i need: more sleeeep.
i know: i have cool friends.
i want: my birthday to get here.
i have: a sweet guitar. (sharona)
i wish: i hadn't scarfed down that baked potato loaded with butter and cheese.
i hate: when people are one sided, and don't consider other people's points of view.
i miss: my boyfriend.
i fear: the bathrooms at the lake.
i feel: full.
i hear: the t.v. in the living room.
i smell: my house.
i crave: something sweet.
i search: all the time in life.
i wonder: constantly.
i regret: just one thing...that almost ruined my life.
i love: my mother.
i ache: when i'm sick. my whole body aches.
i care: for everyone. even when they don't care for me.
i always: wear the ring robbie gave me.
i am not: a fake person.
i believe: in jesus. in others. in myself.
i dance: whenever i get the chance.
i sing: quite loudly in my car.
i don't always: exercise like i should.
i fight: when i have something worth protecting.
i write: when i'm upset, and need to get things off my chest.
i win: at scene it. [bring it, sucka]
i lose: at almost any other game.
i never: have been to disneyworld. [*gasp*]
i confuse: other people when i try to give them directions.
i listen: when people talk to me.
i can usually be found: at work. at home. at kaity's.
i am scared: of losing the ones i love.
i need: love.
i am happy about: going to six flags on monday : ]

big news.

for those of you who don't know, i have had a hard time deciding what i want my major to be;what i want to do in life. i have gone back and forth alot- from doing hair, to substance abuse counseling, to social work....and i have finally decided that i want to be a nurse.

i'm transferring to nctc's RN program next semester. i should complete my associate's degree in nursing in a couple of years, and if i choose to, get my bachelor's degree. the course structure is very difficult, seeing as how it's a medical field, but you have to work to really get what you want out of life, right?

i have always wanted to have a job where i could help people, and make a difference in people's lives. now that i know that i'm going to get the chance to do that i am so beyond thrilled, and i feel very blessed.

: ]

i am the greatest Thundercat of them all.

• for those who don't know, i got a new job. [no more LUXXI!] i'm an Inpatient Analyst at Presbyterian Hospital of Denton. which basically means, i work with med. records. i'm in training as of right now, but i like it so far.
• i have 3 exams this week- Astronomy, History, and Music for Human Imagination. krista=stressed out!
• i got pics and info from World Vision today regarding Edson. i'm really excited to get the process going. [he is adorable!]
• school is over in like, 5-ish weeks. this makes me want to do cartwheels up and down my room.
• i got 3 books for $5 at the half priced bookstore on the square[purple book store].DANG. this made me extremely happy. Lord of the Flies, Frankenstein, and Walden. [all of which i've been wanting to read for quite some time.]
• i'm currently reading My Sister's Keeper. it's excellent.
• my aunt, uncle and cousin came into town this weekend from Liberty Hill [about an hour from Austin]. we all had a really good time. i love it when they come to visit, and wish they didn't live so far away.
• Thai Ocho on University Dr., is amazing! [if you're into thai food.] they have great food.

i love you guys.

kris.

love is all you need.

i think this man's way of thinking was brilliant. i really admire all that he was, and all of the noble attributes he gave during his lifetime.
i wanted to share some quotes i found that i really liked...



“I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?”

“You are all geniuses, and you are all beautiful. You don't need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, live peace, and breathe peace, and you'll get it as soon as you like.”

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one.”

“My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

"When real music comes to me- the music of the spheres- the music that surpasses understanding, that has nothing to do with me because i'm just the channel. The only joy for me is for it to be given to me, and to transcribe it like a medium...those moments are what i live for."

-John Lennon

making a difference.

something has been laid on my heart, recently. i've really been looking around for a charity of some sort to offer my support to in order to better someone's life, and i have found such an organization. World Vision is a christian foundation which aids in building funds to help prevent AIDS in villages, build awareness about the disease, and also gives food, clothing, education, etc. to children who are less fortunate. the child i am sponsering, Edson, is seven years old and from Uganda. he is not yet in school, but enjoys drawing and ball games. he is in satisfactory health, and his chores at home include caring for animals. soon, i will be recieving pictures and such about Edson in the mail, and we'll be able to communicate through letters. i am so excited about this, and i believe that everyone should be involved in something like this. just think what the world would be if EVERYONE could give whatever they had to someone less fortunate.

what a dream.

there's a lady who's sure, all that glitters is gold.

so, since robbie wasn't here for christmas this year, we decided to wait until he was home to exchange presents and such. anyway, he got me a GUITAR! it's pretty. and black. i haven't named it yet though [kaity, help] which is pretty unlike me. the creative juices just aren't flowing.

ANYWAY.

todd and robbie taught me a few chords. G, C, D and E.
that's all i know so far.
so basically i know how to play 3 songs...all of which only use G and C.
haha.
but i'm learning to read guitar tabs[which is HIGHLY confusing to me] and pick up on a few more songs.
it is my mission to learn Stairway to Heaven.
even if it kills me.

: ]

oh,man.

I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS HAPPY IN A VERY LONG TIME.

: ]

brilliance.

the book i'm currently reading, Life of Pi, is both amazing and insightful.
i was skeptical of this book at first, but it's come to be one of my favorites.
the main character, a 16 year old boy named Pi Patel, loves God with his whole heart.
he practices not only Christianity, but also Hinduism and Islam.
when he and his family decide to migrate to Canada from their home in India, the boat sinks and Pi is left on a lifeboat in a very difficult situation.
let's just say, it involves a 500 lb. Bengal tiger.
amidst all of the tragedies Pi faces, he remains focused on God, and never loses hope.
i wanted to share a few excerpts from the book with you.

"It was my first clue that atheists are my brothers and sisters of a different faith, and every word they speak speaks of faith. Like me, they go as far as the legs of reason will carry them- and they leap.
I'll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if he burst out from the cross, "my GOD, my GOD, why have you forsaken me?"then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To chose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation."

"Sometimes my heart was sinking so fast with anger, desolation and weariness, I was afraid it would sink to the very bottom of the Pacific and I would not be able to lift it back up.
At such moments i tried to elevate myself. I would touch the turban I had made with the remnants of my shirt and I would say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S HAT!"
i would pat my pants and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S ATTIRE!"
i would point to the lifeboat and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S ARK!"
i would spread my hands wide and say aloud, "THESE ARE GOD'S WIDE ACRES!"
And in this way I would remind myself of creation and of my place in it...
But God's hat was always unravelling.
God's pants were falling apart.
God's ark was a jail.
God's wide acres were slowly killing me.
despair was a heavy blackness that let no light in or out. It was a hell beyond expression. I thank God it always passed. A school of fish appeared around the net or a knot cried to be reknotted. Or I thought of my family, of how they were spared this terrible agony. The blackness would stir and eventually would go away, and God would remain, a shining point of light in my heart.
I would go on loving."

PUPPY.

this is the kind of puppy i want.
seriously...how adorable is this little guy?!

forgiveness&my life.

we all make mistakes. some of us make bigger ones than others...but we all mess up. it's a part of life. and when we do, we end up hurting several people along the way. and it's normally the ones that mean the most to you. how terrible of a feeling is that? to live with that gut wreching emotion all day. and you can't escape it, because you can't ever escape yourself. your mind. your thinking process. it's especially difficult when those you hurt forgive you, and you know you don't deserve it. but i suppose that's what life's about. learning to forgive one another, and live in harmony. choosing love over spite, and anger. for some of us, it's hard to forgive when someone does you wrong. and for others, it comes natural. and as for those people...i commend you.

anyway.

• i need a new job. i seriously dread going to that god forsaken store every day.
• i have been working out alot lately, and i've come to enjoy exercising.
  
• that's kind of scary.
• it's such a beautiful day outside. i love the warm weather.
• my baby comes home in 15 days.
• i'm more thrilled than you will ever know!
• i need a puppy.
• and when i get one, his name will be Gus Gus. : ]
• i can't wait to get out of the dorms and get my own place.
• seesh.
• i am reading an amazing book, Life Of Pi.
  
• if you've read it, let me know what you thought of it, and if you haven't, READ IT!

wonderwall.

Today was gonna be the day-
But they'll never throw it back to you.
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do .
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do ,
About you now .

And all the roads that lead to you were winding.
And all the lights that light the way are blinding.
There are many things that I would like to say to you,
I don't know how.

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me...
And after all,
You're my wonderwall.

[Ryan Adams' rendition of the Oasis song, "Wonderwall" is lovely. check it out. the words and the music are touching.]

bestest friend.

this boy is the love of my life, and i can't wait until he comes home!

that's all. : )

home of the brave.

as the 2008 presidential election nears, i've been doing some research on all of the candidates. and i must admit, out of 15 runners, none of them really catch my interest. there are several who's political standpoints i agree on, however, how they portray themselves throughout the media is a little off. there are some who i wouldn't be heartbroken if they fell off of a cliff. there are some who have excellent ideas for this country. i was talking to my sister about it, and she is not even sure she will vote this year. she backs this up by saying that people vote ignorantly by voting for all the wrong reasons. some will vote for Hilary Clinton, simply because of her views on the war in iraq (which i must say, don't sound half bad) without taking a look about what else she is about. promoting abortions so that it is the social "norm" in america. crazy. we both agreed that most american's aren't well informed about the social and politcal policies today. do we really want those american's standing in line outside the polls? do we want those american's deciding our future? it's all a popularity contest. do you know how many people will vote for Obama, simply because Oprah is his "campaigner?" i believe it is my right as an american to vote. and i'm very proud of that right; and i will, on election day, cast my vote on who i think would make the best leader for this country. however, we all must really keep in mind why we vote. do we vote for the leader who is most popular? what about the leader who wants to end the war immeadiately? will we vote out of ignorance?